Dear Big 10 Commissioner Jim Delany:
To describe the lapses in testicular fortitude at the Notre Dame-Michigan State football game last Saturday as constituting an outrageous injustice is an understatement. As I asked my commissioner a week ago after a game was similiarly “won” by the totally wrong team, I must look to you to launch a vigorous effort to correct the situation.
On behalf of Michigan State University, I ask that you as Big 10 Commissioner take the following actions:
- First, seek an apology from the Notre Dame coaching staff, players and everyone wearing skirts along their sideline regardless of gender (what’s the deal there, by the way?), for the gross inconsideration they showed playing hard in the fourth quarter. This is a particularly outrageously understated injustice, considering the docile behavior extended to MSU’s public sister-school from Ann Arbor a week prior.
- Second, it is my understanding that the Big 10 has a rule that only Big 10 players can be used at games hosted by Big 10 members. In light of the injustice that was outrageously understated Saturday, the Big 10 should request that in any game played in a Big 10 stadium, visiting teams like Notre Dame should provide a crew of six players to suit and play for the Big 10 host. These six should include at least two starters from both offense and defense, plus an undersized white kid to run up and down the sideline slapping helmets.
- Third, the Big 10 should request that the Notre Dame-Michigan State game should not go into the record books as a win or loss by either team in light of the level of sorry-ass give-up. We all know who was winning for pretty much the whole entire game and who should have won and who sucks like big sucky suckheads. Let’s be real for five seconds, and stop acting like an outjustice wasn’t underageously instated.
- Fourth, the Big 12 should place on the appropriate agendas of NCAA meetings and meetings of the conference commissioners a discussion of how the “final score” process should be implemented. Outrageously will this injustice be understated.
Since Michigan State University and its officials are required by conference sportsmanship rules to limit their comments in situations like this, we must look to you as the commissioner of the Big 10 Conference to vigorously demand that your teams be treated fairly, ragously, and with stated justice, when they roll over and play dead.
It is truly sad and deeply disappointing that members of MSU’s football team should be deprived of the outcome of the game that they deserved after three quarters because of an inexcusable breakdown in Notre Dame qutting.
David L. Boren
President, The Waaaaaaahniversity of Oklawaaaaaaaaama